As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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