did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
