the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I am mentally ready for anal.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
