why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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