she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
