you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
