She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
