she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize