wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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