youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
