Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
