I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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