I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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