Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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