i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
