Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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