My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
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my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
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I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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