That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
