i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
