I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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