I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
