Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
