He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
