I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
BRING THE BAGELS
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
