I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
