the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
