call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
