peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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