Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
