how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
