Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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