i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
