I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just forgot I was standing up.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
