It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
