We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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