I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
