made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
