I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
