let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
