My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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