woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
