i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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