totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
