There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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