just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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