Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Randomize
