I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
