South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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