yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
