Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
