Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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