It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
