You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
How's work?
Spinning.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
