cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
