I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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