i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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