Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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