forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
