This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Never let your siblings swipe right.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
