i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
