I wannas sexs uuuuu
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
