I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
