Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
