Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
