im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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