My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
