I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
