i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
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She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
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You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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