Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
