Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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