OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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