If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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