Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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