I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Vodka?
Forever.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
