Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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