So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
