you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize