....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
