I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
