I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
