The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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