Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
