I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
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Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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