i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
There are leaves in my underwear?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
